Suzu

We Have to Talk About Him

Suzu's Origins

I created Suzu when I was a child, eleven-years-old, playing with toys. Suzu was originally a prince and his dad--Jack--was a king. Originally, Suzu was a runaway because he didn't want to be a prince (and his dad was too mean). He ranaway at thirteen-years-old with three friends. They set off on a grand adventure each with their own goals and backstories. I was inspired by Naruto, One Piece, and Pokémon. Jenny was his best friend and older sister figure, even back then. She's the only one of his original friends who's still in the Suzu & Jack story.   

While there was a queen, she didn't matter much. She wasn't Suzu's real mom! Suzu's real mom was a literal God (because he had to be important and cool, he was the main character y'know). Not so cool anymore (he never really was--poor thing).

I'd roleplay, and even did a voice for him which you can hear here!:

Clips and bits from an acting/roleplay session with Ves Rose (Moose) She was Nate. (Nate beats him up at the end and Suzu dies with a whimper). My microphone isn't the best quality, but it does the job. I will be buying a better one for Project:GFC (but that's an aside--I'm just excited).

Suzu's Purpose; Suzu is Me

I was obsessed with Suzu (I still am) ever since his inception. I was so obsessed it'd annoy my siblings at times. I'd draw him constantly; doodling and doodling til my heart was content--yet seemingly, it never was.

I was in love with being him (roleplaying). I wanted to pretend to be Suzu more than any other characters I'd play as. He just felt right, like a second skin. Perhaps because he was (is) me. Suzu is me; I am Suzu.

And as a child and teen I never would've admitted it--despite how apparent it is to me now. I had a problem with admittance as a kid. I lied a lot. It was defensive. Now I'm blunt as a dull butter knife. I was always blunt, just not about myself. Now I'm blunt about everyone and everything--because I can be, baby! Confidence! I love being an adult.

But it is very easy for me to slip into a childlike mindset, partially because I'm quite frankly trapped in one due to trauma. That's why Suzu's Journal comes so naturally to me. And just like before as a child when I'd roleplay, I am happiest doing this. I don't know why writing/acting as/being Suzu brings me so much comfort, it just does. There's sommething in the bones of this character that's in my marrow too--and it's not just wildly untreated severe ADHD.

Suzu is a RAINBOW Baby

Suzu is a rainbow baby, I'm a rainbow baby--what is a rainbow baby? Well, a rainbow baby is a child born after a previous miscarried or stillbirth child. It is both sad and joyous for the parents who experience it. I am a rainbow baby, and my mom had told me about the miscarriage as a small child and I always felt a litle sad about it. I always felt like a friend was missing. I also always assoicated the baby with the color orange in my head (I've always associated Suzu with orange too). You could call that aphantasia (which I probably have), but either way I find it interesting.

There were times where I'd even daydream about who I might've had as a friend. I couldn't tell you why--I had five other siblings, so why did I want another? The orange baby, were they born, would've made seven. There are seven colors in the rainbow. There's also a part of me that's fighting not to type "he" as I always imagined them as a boy. I can not tell you why--that's just what my mind did as a child.

You can call me Pollyanna, say I'm crazy as a loon, I believe in silverlinings, and that's why I believe in you! - Pollyanna from Earthbound

Suzu is a rainbow baby too. Which is a recent decision. And in fact it wasn't intentional. I just associated him with rainbows for a lot of crazy reasons that I don't have time to get into. Let's just say that rainbows are very important to me. Hence the rainbow themeing of this very site.

Your life's about to change now, so don't get left behind! Do things appear quite strange now? Imagine the wonders you'll find! - It Must Be Believed to Be Seen from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory: The New Musical

Suzu's Issues

Suzu has a lot of issues, that's always been a part of his character. Fun fact: I diagnosed Suzu with ADHD before I knew, thought, or was even close to an actual diagnosis in myself! I was fourteen-years-old when I diagnosed Suzu, and I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood. Yeah. That's how connected we are--me and Suzu. Everything "wrong" with Suzu, every medical ailment, behavioral problem, and freaky issue is something that I have or had as a kid. That's why, for example, Suzu's Journal is a little hard to read. See, he, like me, has dyslexia. He's not stupid. He just mixes up the letters, left and right, and spells phonetically--but he's really trying. He tries really hard even when it's not always enough for the adults around him.

Suzu's physical and mental issues blend into each other and fuck him up further. Just as mine do I.

Suzu's Bio Ala 11-Year-Old Nori

When I was a kid, I had written in one of my notebooks (where my inspiration for Suzu's Journal comes from) a "bio" for Suzu. I can't help but laugh and smile at my attempt. I was just a fledgling artist/writer. A baby baby baby. This was from one of my oldest notebooks, which I still have. It has a terrible drawing of Suzu in his toy form (before I gave him an original design)--and no--you can't see it.

Alright, first, here it is with the original misspellings, for authenticity. Enjoy my untreated dyslexia!

He is a yong 13 year old boy that had a hard life seicn he was bron, but that has nevre stop him. he groeu up to be a prakster and a littel bit of a brat. many look at him as negetive and as if he is a baby. but hear are some rale thing abot his presonalet he is a prakster, he's lazy, he's streubren, sorttempred, stuped, crud, an instergayter, a face stuffer, and atenshun hungre. your probuble are woudreing why he's whants atenshun well . . . that will get exslelaned some where in the story . . . well thats that.
GOOD BYE!

Now, a translation, with explanatory notes(in brackets like this)

He is a young 13 year old boy that had a hard life since he was born (I failed to elaborate on this, but I was trying to describe his childhood abuse), but that has never stopped him. He grew up to be a prankster (I had a thing about *pranksters* for a hot minute there lol) and a little bit of a brat (little bit? Really 11-year-old Nori, only a little?). Many look at him as negative and as if he is a baby (Not 11-year-old Nori projecting), but here are some real things about his personality: he is a prankster (say it again, we didn't get it the first time), he's lazy, he's stubborn, short-tempered, stupid, crude, an instigator (as in he starts conflicts), a face stuffer (as in he likes food), and attention hungry. You're probably wondering why he wants attention . . . well . . . that will get explained some where in the story (great work, now we all know and remember the explanation! Tea is I didn't have one because Suzu was just an accidental recreation of myself and I certainly didn't understand at the time why I was "attention seeking". It was because of--primarily emotional, but somewhat physical too--neglect. I didn't have the words for it at the time :( when I reread that I kinda went "aww" internally lol) . . . well that's that.
GOOD BYE!

Baby Nori deserved some hugs.

Why? Why Suzu? After All These Years?

Why not make a new character? I have a few, but they're waiting. Simmering like fresh delicious chai. Let the cinnamon, star anise, and ginger work their magic slowly. No rush. ;P

I've hidden Suzu away for all these years and I'm finally letting him out. I'm finally showing the world the hurt, scared, weird, gross, smelly, tiny, and shaking little child deep inside of me. Deep inside of heart. He's out now--and he's happy--my heart is happy--my soul is happy--I'm happy.

The beauty of being human is getting to make your own choices and seeing how the world around responds to them--it's also the tragedy of being human. So, I ask you two parting questions: have you ever laughed so hard you cried--have you ever cried so hard you laughed?

When darkness meets the light, this is what it sounds like. - What It Sounds Like from K-Pop Demon Hunters